The Slow Way: Divine Compulsion, Attention, and Love
How do we begin to hear the voice of God? We live into the voice of God. We practice listening, setting our attention on the love of God.
Divine Compulsion, Attention, and Love
When I was a girl I memorized Isaiah 6:8 for the big Bible Drill competition of fifth grade. (Yes, Bible Drill! I know. That’s a story for another time.) That verse is seared in my heart: “Also I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?’ Then said I, ‘Here am I. Send me.’” It didn’t take long until the fingers of God took those words I’d memorized in my mind and pressed them like a dried flower straight into my chest. Who was willing to do whatever God might ask? Was I brave enough to go wherever God sent me, to believe that my life mattered somehow to the greater story God was telling in the world? Isaiah had said yes, so I did too. Here I am.
In the Southern Baptist Church there are only a few options for girls who feel the Holy Spirit inviting them to speak and teach and be sent into the world. We couldn’t be pastors or deacons or even youth ministers back then. But we could be missionaries, and we knew how to celebrate our lady missionaries. So I clung to the story of my hero Lottie Moon, who knew she had been compelled by God into the world to tell the story of Jesus, and she did it, even if that meant giving up the life that most women in her time craved: a husband, a family, a home.
I’m reading Simone Weil’s Waiting for God, which basically means I’m reading and re-reading very dense paragraphs, then talking about them out loud to either Chris or the dog (they’re the only ones who will listen) as I try to untangle Weil’s fascinating and difficult brain. Friday morning, during our coffee time on the porch, both Chris and Richmond the Pup were there to dissect her ideas about what she calls “the compulsion of God’s pressure.”
One of the greatest gifts I was given in my childhood in the Church was the idea that God wants to speak to me, that God could “lay” something “on our hearts” or “lead” us to a decision. That God cares about the state of our internal consciousness. And not just that, God actually moves within that consciousness to act and guide us if we learn to listen. That idea has shaped my life in ways I can’t begin to name. Sometimes I wonder if that might just be the most important thing I learned in childhood: how to recognize when the Divine was stirring something inside me, forming me, inviting me to change direction.
Weil says it this way, “God rewards the soul that thinks of him with attention and love, and he rewards it by exercising a compulsion upon it strictly and mathematically proportionate to this attention and this love. We have to abandon ourselves to the pressure…” Did she just talk about God’s presence and use the word “mathematically”? Yes, friends, yes she did. So let’s unpack it.
When I first read her say “God rewards the soul…” I immediately recoiled. I have baggage from so much teaching in the church that our goodness somehow results in more of God’s love. That kind of teaching hurt me, and I’ve worked hard to rid myself of it. So what do I do with Weil’s use of “reward” here? I wonder if this is what she’s saying: Those who practice coming to the presence of God with attention and love, will experience God’s attention and love.
Is it mathematical? I don’t think so. Grace always means we get a disproportionate amount of God’s attention in return. God isn’t ever withholding love. Often, we just don’t experience it unless we’re paying attention.
So what does it mean to encounter the compulsion of God’s pressure? When I was ten it meant that God set the words of Isaiah in my heart and invited me to live for something bigger than my own comfort. The compulsive pressure of God is the presence that invites us to see our weaknesses and failures and turn a different direction. The compulsive pressure of God is the internal force that invites us to consider if we’re using our money for our own comfort or for the transformation of the world. The compulsive pressure of God is the voice that asks, “Who will tell the truth here, even if it hurts to be the truth teller?”
When I brought up this compulsion, this pressure that the Divine places on the soul, Richmond the Pup hid his face in his stuffy. But Chris reminded me of something Richard Rohr often says, “We do not think ourselves into new ways of living, we live ourselves into new ways of thinking.” How do we begin to hear the voice of God? We live into the voice of God. We practice listening, setting our attention on the love of God.
What sounds complicated is actually simple enough for the ten-year-old I was. The Divine is calling, “Who will go?” And if we’re listening, we’re all invited to say, “I will.”
A Slow Practice
Today, let’s remind ourselves that coming into God’s presence is as simple as offering our love and attention, and then opening ourselves to receive that love and attention from God. Take some time to pray this simple prayer with me, breathing in and out.
Breathe in: Spirit, I come to you, offering my love and attention.
Breathe out: Spirit, I receive your love and attention.
Breathe in: Spirit, I come to you, offering my love and attention.
Breathe out: Spirit, I receive your love and attention.
Breathe in: Spirit, I come to you, offering my love and attention.
Breathe out: Spirit, I receive your love and attention.
Breathe in: Spirit, I come to you, offering my love and attention.
Breathe out: Spirit, I receive your love and attention.
Sit in silence and invite the Spirit of God to set something good and true in your soul.
A List of Things
You can find Waiting for God by Simone Weil (originally published in 1951) here.
I really appreciated this article in The Atlantic about the state of my adopted hometown San Francisco. I cannot handle seeing critics who don’t live there tear the city I love apart, as if SF is only drug needles and encampments. It’s a beautiful, quirky, wonderful place to live. This article doesn’t mince words about what needs to change, but it’s written by a local, who loves her city in all its weirdness and progressiveness. And who, with nuance, isn’t afraid to acknowledge that there’s work to be done.
Tomorrow is Juneteenth, and I appreciated Jamar Tisby’s post this past Thursday educating his followers about the Juneteenth flag. If you’re white and considering how you might acknowledge Juneteenth this year, Amy Julia Becker had a helpful Instagram post with ways to think about how all of us can celebrate the “history and legacy of a community shaped and formed by pain and joy…who know how to persevere through suffering with hope and love.”
Just a reminder, next Saturday will be my last newsletter before I take a break for the month of July. I’m looking forward to vacation, and hope all of you will get some time to take a break as well!
Thank you! I love how you share your words with such beauty.
“Those who practice coming to the presence of God with attention and love, will experience God’s attention and love. “ from the slow way. I’m going to hold on to these words today. I’ve been setting my phone to enjoy the reminders of the 7 Sacred Pauses. So I may add this new breath prayer this week! It has helped me so much I’m dealing with anxiety as I stop breathe, pray, and fill up with gratitude! Thank you!
I love sitting on the back porch, woods in front of me, listening to the many voices of birds, and reading your wise words on a Saturday morning.
Thank you! 🥰