The Slow Way Newsletter: Your Soul Loves the Danger of Growth
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Your Soul Loves the Danger of Growth
Here are some words I’ve been trying to make sense of: integration, equilibrium, balance.
In ninth grade, I got word that Shane Craig (not his real name, bless his heart) had referred to me and my body as, “a stick with lips.” Now Shane had previously liked me, asked me out, and received my angsty breakup only 24 hours after I agreed to his romantic invitation. (This happened because my insides had curdled during an uncomfortably touchy walk from Algebra to English class.) Nope. Shane was not the one for me. (Way to trust your gut, Boyett!) But this trash talk? This explanation of my body and face hit too close to home. Reader: I will not show you a picture of myself at 14. I will only say, Yes, Shane Craig was on to something. I was a skinny and lanky girl whose mouth took up ⅓ of her entire head. Now, don’t wring your hands over this. It was an awkward stage. By the time I was 16 my head had caught up with my mouth, my body had curved in some *culturally* acceptable places, and never was I called a stick with lips again. But some hurtful words live too close to the surface of our anxieties. That descriptor has stayed with me.
And as my boys enter the same phase of life, I am learning to pause in my own reactions to their fears and choices, and have some compassion on my younger self in the process. It’s hard to be an adolescent, and as much as I would love to swoop in on any Shane Craigs of the world who may whisper hurtful criticisms of my babies, and step in between any unfortunate moments they will wish they could forget thirty years from now, I know the truth: Growth is a gangly and uncomfortable season – whether it's the growth of our young teenage bodies, or the growth of our souls. We cannot enter into seasons of growth without instability and volatility.
I have been reading and loving Lisa Colón DeLay’s book, The Wild Land Within. She describes the in-between seasons of growth this way: God will always call us toward deeper, fuller lives. God beckons us toward more abundant joy and greater relief and solace.” Then she goes on to say, “Healing and spiritual growth, after it happens, look and feel like peace, gracious integration of yourself, and (felt) access to love and grace.”
How do you feel about that word, “integration”? It’s a trendy word of the moment, but also one I feel especially drawn to. As I attempt to sit in this season of grief, not pushing myself to be okay, but also not beating myself up for wanting to feel normal, and at times actually feeling normal, I’ve been thinking about what it means to live with my joy and grief integrated, blended together inside me. Both, fully present at the same time.
There are so many moments of our spiritual lives when growth is going to force us to experience the discomfort of the in-between. In that same section of DeLay’s book she quotes the poet John O’Donohue: “When you open your heart to discovery, you will be called to step outside the comfort barriers with which you have fortified your life. You will be called to risk old views and thoughts and to step off the circle of routine and image. This will often bring turbulence. The pendulum will fix at times on one extreme, and you will be out of balance. But your soul loves the danger of growth. In its own wise trust, your soul will always return you to a place of real and vital equilibrium.”
I keep thinking on this idea: Your soul loves the danger of growth. It’s true that growth is dangerous, bringing with it discomfort, awkward transitions, and instability. And when we choose to step into it, or when we’re forced into growth through grief, loss, suffering, relational upheaval, or even a longing for a more authentic faith – all of these things can drag our souls into what O’Donohue calls turbulence, a time that feels out of balance.
So maybe you’re there in the space of non-integration, way out of balance, the equivalent of a spiritual stick with lips. Maybe we can wonder about this together today: What does it mean to embrace turbulence as a gift, an invitation from God?
Maybe on the other side of this discombobulation we may awake to find in ourselves “more abundant joy and greater relief and solace.” Integrated, whole, wise and becoming wiser.
a slow practice
Today we’re going to sit with a passage of the New Testament. I’ve always been a sucker for the way Paul talks to his friends in his letters, and his letter to the Philippians is one of my very favorites.
I'm printed it below from The Message, Philippians 1:3-7, 9-11
Before I read. Let’s take a deep breath together:
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
As you read, ask the Spirit to allow a word or phrase or image to rise to the top for you, helping you connect to something rich and meaningful in the words.
3-6 Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God’s Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.7 It’s not at all fanciful for me to think this way about you. My prayers and hopes have deep roots in reality. . .9-11 So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings so that your love is sincere and intelligent, not sentimental gush. Live a lover’s life, circumspect and exemplary, a life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus Christ attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God.
Let’s sit in silence with this for a minute.
Here's what I love about this. Paul’s prayer is for flourishing, for completion. For love that is sincere, circumspect, exemplary. Bountiful. Listen to these words! What kind of love is growing in you?
When we talk about spiritual growth and integration this is what we mean: flourishing. How is divine love coming into fullness inside you? This is a prayer Paul prays for his friends who are in the in-between spaces, the imbalance, the disintegration of spiritual growth. And what is the kind of flourishing Paul’s thinking of? It’s appropriate, sincere, not sentimental. It’s thoughtful, attractive, bountiful in fruits of the soul (which Paul would describe in another letter, this time to the Galatians) as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
So here’s your reminder: Your soul loves the danger of growth.
Can you take some time to consider the parts of your inner landscape, as Lisa Colón DeLay would call it, that feel out of balance. What would flourishing look like for you? Take some time for silent reflection.