October Newsletter: Neurons, prayer, and why spiritual practices are hard
Neurons, prayer, and why spiritual practices are hard
I recently finished recording an interview as a guest on the new podcast Finding Holy, and its host Ashley Hale and I chatted about what it might look like take small steps to encounter God’s presence in the smallest moments of our everyday chaos. I’ve thought about this sort of thing a lot (even wrote a book about it!), but I was surprised that the first thing out of my mouth was about brain neurons.
Now people, don’t worry, I’m not pretending to know anything about brains. (Do you even say, "Brain Neurons"? But a book I was reading that morning reminded me of a phrase used among the brain experts: “Neurons that fire together wire together.” This was a common phrase I encountered in a parenting book I read and loved last year, No Drama Discipline. So here’s how I understand this: Neural circuits communicate with each other by “firing”…releasing a chemical that the brain cell absorbs. When two different neural circuits are fired at the same time often enough, the brain actually changes. One circuit automatically fires up the other.
We can understand this in terms of children’s development. Say your child goes into full panic mode and starts yelling every time you say that we’re running late. That’s probably because life has trained your child’s neuron circuits that when the “we’re late” circuit fires, the “panic” circuit should also fire. Changing behaviors, especially those way engrained in our kids, is tough stuff, because the neuron circuitry has to actually change.
Now here’s where we get spiritual. Our culture/society/daily messages are constantly teaching us that success, intelligence, and upward mobility are the most important things. Even if we don’t buy into that philosophy, much of our life tasks tell us that we do. So we find ourselves going, “Wow, I don’t encounter God at all while I’m dropping my kids off, or staring at the computer at work, or shopping for groceries." I wonder if its because of the neurons.
I'm afraid that when I jump in the car and my family is haphazard and everyone's running late and everyone's mad, that I have two neuron circuits firing together: When I sit in the car, my brain says THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT IF YOU'RE NOT ON TIME YOUR CHILDREN'S LIVES WILL BE ALTERED BY TARDY MARKS IN THEIR PERMANENT RECORDS. Also, there's shame. There is: What is wrong with you, Micha? Why can't you figure out how to get your kids to school on time? You've been doing this for ten years.
If those are the voices I've learned to hear when I get in the car on a typical chaotic morning. That means sitting in the car with any feeling of stress is automatically firing up feelings of shame and fear. It's really hard to pray when I'm feeling ashamed and anxious.
So. How way to change the pattern? It begins with listening to the real voices, not the voices of success and power, but the quieter voices of gratitude and generosity. The inner voices that grow from the presence of the Holy Spirit in me. Maybe I need a note on my dashboard that says: BREATHE. BE THANKFUL. SING WITH YOUR KIDS. It takes time, but if you relearn how to be in the car, your brain does too. What fires together wires together.
I think that's why spiritual practices are so hard. We are asking our brains to reconfigure: to look for God's presence in places where before we only saw fear. If our tendency is to yell at the kids or at the cars around us in the intersection, then our spiritual practice involves rewiring our brains to do something different with the frustration: a breath, a prayer, a recognition that your road rage is actually directed at a beloved child of God. This is hard, spiritual work, friends. This is the long, slow work of teaching our neurons to reimagine new, better partners to fire alongside.
I think God's favorite way to make something beautiful is the long and slow way. Just look at creation for proof. And then remember that you're still be created, neuron by neuron, into the YOU God has always dreamed you would be.
All the things . . .
I preached a sermon at my church back in September about the hard, powerful work of loving one another. You can find it here.
It's Down Syndrome Awareness Month and The Lucky Few Podcast is three weeks into our second season. We've been on an education and inclusion theme and have gotten to interview some amazing people. Even if you don't have someone you love with Down syndrome in your life, you might just learns something. Find our site here. Or follow us on Instagram!
Speaking of Instagram, I've struggled a bit lately with how to share my writing. My old account turned into , a full-time space for celebrating Ace's life and Down syndrome.
And sharing my work there no longer made sense. So I've created a new Instagram! This one's just me, my musings, my experiences. If you want you should find me there: @michaboyett It'll basically just be lots of images of me and goats.
Get your #Aceface tee!
Our #Acefaceismyfriend tees are always on sale but we do a special push for them in October for DS Awareness month. Snag yours here from TeePublic! We're donating all proceeds to Ruby's Rainbow (and helping adults with DS go to college!).