Newsletter, v. 1 (Why Lent is for rest. Also, a new podcast! And more.)
Lent is for rest, you guys
Friends, it's been almost two years since my blog finally ended its ferocious struggle to survive the changes in my life. I have written out all the possible comeback articles and I'm never sure how to say exactly what led me to stop writing and publishing for this season. But I can say this: My life changed. And it was a much bigger change than simply having a child born with Down syndrome three years ago.
Ace's needs were the catalyst for a much bigger life adjustment, one that I've been spending a lot of time dwelling on lately. These three years have forced a slow-down that nothing else in my life had yet taught me to embrace. I was trying so hard for a very long time to build a career, to prove myself, to write a good enough book, even to earn acclaim. And Ace came along and refused to eat. Then struggled to meet physical goals, then slowly changed our family's values.
Here's what happened: I released my career, watched it rise away like a balloon, and I discovered the magic of the small life I was always writing about but wasn't sure I believed in. That's the kind of story I hope to begin to tell. Ace has been part of that story. But so have my other kids and my husband. So has my church.
In the days before Ace was born, I pitched a second book to the my publisher for Found. I wanted to write a book about rest and pregnancy. I wanted to write out the story of my pregnancy with Ace, long before I knew how interesting that pregnancy was really going to get! They turned it down. And I'm deeply grateful for that, because the story of rest in my life lies far beneath the ideas I had before Ace came along. I've learned to rest because of the crevices of my life, the gaps between hoped-for-milestones and my baby's hard work to get to them, in the pain of watching my older children grieve the realities of their brother's differences and their own, in the depth of joy in the remarkable sweetness of Ace's unique and beautiful way of encountering the world. Rest has been waiting for me here in the struggle.
Lent is a metaphor for that kind of struggle, isn't it? The days of Lent are the quiet days, the days we wait, we prepare, we do without. These are the days in which our struggle becomes the erosive tool that smooths us, that forms us into something lovely.
This is my second Lent in which my spiritual practice has been sleep. I know, sounds hard, right? For me it is. Until last Lent, when my spiritual practice was to sleep eight hours a night, I hadn't slept the recommended eight hours since middle school. My false story to myself has always been that I need to work harder, prove myself. And there is always a reason to sleep less, push myself more. Sometimes there were, of course, babies waking through the night. But even in the easier seasons, I stayed up late to write, or fold clothes, or pay bills. There's never enough time, right?
Last weekend I spoke to a women's retreat in New York about our culture's collective "Time Sickness," a term I got from Bridget Schulte's book Overwhelmed. I spoke about the feeling that we can never do enough or be enough in our society. And the reality that we have that feeling because it's true. There is literally not enough time for what we're supposed to do each day. Our way of living in this world asks too much. Slowing down, I'm learning, is not only telling The Empire that we refuse to buy into their definition of a productive life. It's also embracing the gentle, paradigm shifting way of Jesus.
Jesus made me to be a human, and therefore, I get to sleep. And in doing so, I remind myself that I am most definitely not enough. Neither are you, friend. We get to be weak. And, yes, there are careers to build, and kids to care for, political movements to stand behind, books to read, and people to love. But just consider this your Lenten reminder that rest is waiting for you too. And rest is sometimes one of our deepest acts of faith.
Introducing The Lucky Few Podcast!
I have a new project that I'm so thrilled to share with you! Today The Lucky Few Podcast releases it's Episode 0, an introduction to my pals Heather and Mercedes (and myself) as we embark on a podcast for those of us who love people with Down syndrome. The Lucky Few Podcast seeks to advocate and raise the bar for our kids with Down syndrome. This is a place where we're celebrating people with Down syndrome, shouting their worth and letting the world know just how lucky we are to have someone in our lives with DS.
Mercedes and Heather are fun, smart, and the kind of souls who love deeply and spout wisdom. You may not have a dear person in your life with Down syndrome, but you just might enjoy this podcast anyway, and it might even open your eyes to the magic of the world of Down syndrome.
Check it out! Find us at theluckyfewpodcast.com and follow us on all social media @theluckyfewpod. First official episode coming World Down Syndrome Day, March 21!
Prayer and Panic Attacks
I'm continuing my series on Prayer for the Rest of Us over at Off the Page. Next week I'll have a new piece on praying with liturgy in the same series. Tune into my Twitter and Facebook where I'll share details when it goes up.